Closing the bones ceremony

Imagine you are lying in a warm, calm room, with your head on a pillow. Under your body is a soft mat, and beautiful, colourful, woven shawls, stretching out either side of you. There is relaxing music playing. Two women you trust quietly and carefully adjust the shawls to line up with your head, chest, hips, lower legs, and feet. Softly, you cross your arms over your chest, and close your eyes.

Starting with the scarf under your head, the women, one either side of you, slowly and thoughtfully bring the ends of the scarf up, crossing over at the midpoint. They tighten it and hold the tension. The scarf is then twisted and held, the women pulling slightly on the scarf, checking with you that it feels good. The ends are tucked in. The women move down to your chest, and carefully, intentionally pick up the ends of the scar there, and repeat the moves. And so they move on, to your hips, your lower legs, and your feet. Silently, reverently, with love and kindness. Special attention is paid to your hips, giving a stronger pull on the wrapping, the women leaning back a little.

Once your feet are wrapped, you lie there, in your little cocoon, safe, swaddled, held. The other woman sit by you, silently, protecting your space, giving you time. Eventually they start to unwrap you, in the reverse order. The unwrapping is as important as the wrapping, and is done slowly, with the same love, care, and intention. You feel a release, an return. You uncross your arms. A blanket is laid over you. You rest. Meanwhile the next woman is wrapped, with the same intention.

For the woman after that, you take part in the wrapping, with the same loving intention, pulling tight on the shawl ends, holding space for her, bearing silent and respectful witness to her, and whatever her journey has been.

This is a closing the bones ceremony.

Photo curtesy of Becky Pink

Closing the bones is a South and Central American postnatal tradition, and uses traditional woven shawls, called ‘rebozo’ scarves. The idea is that in order to conceive a baby you have to open your body. To grow a baby your body opens, stretches, moves organs. To release a baby your body has to open, one way or another. Closing the bones is about bringing you back to yourself.

The process helps to integrate your past and your present, the woman you are and the child you were, the daughter and the mother.

“I first encountered the 'Closing the bones' ceremony at Cathy's retreat day over 7 years ago. I had no idea what to expect or the history behind it so was intrigued to learn more.   We were in a mixed group where I didn't know the vast majority of people but Cathy explained the process and made everyone comfortable.  The ceremony itself was comforting yet deeply moving.  My son was 3 at the time and it felt very relevant to becoming whole as a woman first, mother second.  It was a real milestone for me to reclaim my identity as a person in my own right but also honouring the gift of motherhood.  The process was absolutely wonderful, spiritual and grounding all at once.”

Zarina

There are different ways of doing closing the bones. I was taught one by a Muslim birthkeeper who learnt it from a Mexican midwife, where I experienced it in a group like I have described. I also trained with a midwife from Ecuador to do ‘cerrada’, or ‘hipping’, involving a gentle shaking or sifting of your pelvis with a rebozzos, then a womb massage and finally the wrapping. This was more one-to-one treatment. Still ceremonial, still bringing you back to you.

There are versions of closing the bones in other cultures around the world. In Russia it is called the Seven Locks, and in Morocco, Al-Shedd, meaning ‘the pulling’.(1) I acknowledge the teachings I have received, the wisdom held and graciously shared, and the lost knowledge and connection of my own heritage when it comes to postpartum rituals.

“The closing the bones ceremony allowed me to make peace with my body after the traumatic birth of my last child. It was a very emotional experience but one that brought an element of closure for my body moving from one stage of my life to another.”

Jamie

Closing the bones is not just the immediate postpartum either. Most of the people I have done closing the bones with have had school age children, or older, and some even had grandchildren.

Doing closing the bones as a group means that each woman gets to wrap others and be wrapped. We all hold silent space for each other. Honouring our bodies. Honouring our journeys. Healing our bodies, our wombs. Closing a chapter. Coming back to ourselves. Weaving our experiences into our life’s cloth.

I have done closing the bones as part of a bespoke healing ceremony after baby loss, and with my friends, to celebrate when we turned 50. I have wrapped my children. I have wrapped fellow doulas, and been wrapped by them.

I have witnessed and supported grandmothers wrapping their daughters, sisters wrapping each other, friends too. It is even more profound when there is baby loss, cancer, birth trauma, grief.

“I experienced the Closing the Bones ritual as part of a Chilled Mama retreat literally a stone’s throw from my home.  The timing was right as it was about ten months after our adult son had passed as a result of a sudden cardiac event. The whole retreat was an opportunity for me to grab a couple of days indulgence for myself.  

I have a broad interest in all things spiritual and various practices around the world so I was intrigued by the Closing the Bones, but didn’t really know what to expect.  

Cathy demonstrated initially with one of her assistants. There was a calm atmosphere in a beautiful setting, with lovely 'spiritual’ music playing. We each took turns to wrap the other participants firmly but comfortably with beautiful coloured scarves. It felt a bit like a cocoon or a big hug. 

I was the last to be wrapped…….    And that’s when something weird happened! 

Whilst I was being wrapped the lovely calming music Cathy had playing on her phone was suddenly interrupted by….. RAP! I can’t remember who it was now.  I just giggled! It was very much the sort of thing my 33 year old son would have done. Maybe, it was merely a gremlin, or maybe he was just letting me know he was still around me.  

That’s what I like to think. 

 “I’m alright Mum. Still having a joke and winding you up! “. 

I definitely felt the whole experience was reassuring and comforting. Certainly for those experiencing any form of loss, regardless of interruptions to the music, whatever the cause!”

The act of being wrapped by other women is powerful; receiving their care, their loving intention is special. As mums, as women, we give and we give. It can be hard to lie down and receive. It is the generosity, warmth, and nurture that all the women commit to in the ceremony that enhances the power of the process, beyond the physical wrapping. We see each other, acknowledge the different personal journeys, and hold space in the most reverent way, without a word passing lips.

“I didn’t realise I had birth trauma until I took part in closing the bones ceremony at one of Cathy’s retreats. It brought me back into my body. I hadn’t realised how much I had disassociated from my body. This was the start of my healing.”

Polly

Closing the bones is one of the most powerful experiences I have received in my life, and the most profound and spiritual act I have done for others. The first time I facilitated a group closing the bones I had to pull over on my journey home to cry. The ceremony had been so powerful, so needed, so transformational.

Have you experienced closing the bones as an individual or part of a group ceremony? What was your experience?

Did you have any other postpartum ritual that benefited you?

Would you like to experience a closing the bones ceremony with me?

Drop me a message. I love to hear from you.

1 https://www.innatetraditions.com/blog/Closing-of-the-bones-rebozo