Did you have a pandemic baby? How are you doing?

The pandemic was a worldwide traumatic event. As a society we haven’t paid much attention to healing. I wanted to check in with you, and see how you are doing, mums, dads, non-binary parents.

Obviously we think first about those we lost, and those who suffered. We also remember the keyworkers who cared for us and our loved ones, and those who kept the food coming, the basics of society functioning.

Of all the different groups who had challenges in the pandemic, one of the hardest hit were those who gave birth or had little ones. Have you had a chance to process what went on? What was hard for you?

Pregnant in the pandemic

I remember listening to your stories and reading your emails and social media posts. The isolation, and lack of connection with other parents. Online antenatal classes and appointments. Scans on your own. Partners waiting in car parks, sometimes receiving devastating news and finally allowed in. I remember the surge of enquiries about home births, and asking if waterbirth would increase or lessen the chance of picking up the virus. Would having a caesarean speed your time in hospital? The stress of giving birth compounded by labouring alone, in masks.

Stuck in doors, facetiming family.

Pandemic babies

Postnatally, many told me they felt abandoned. Your own parents, or other support, were unable to travel to support you, let alone meet their new family member. Even health visitor appointments were sometimes conducted through an open window. There were no baby massage classes, weighing clinics, breastfeeding support, or baby groups. No chance to make friendship groups to moan, ask, and generally support each other.

More than one person told me their baby did not meet another adult or baby for months. There is a lingering sense of missing out. Of your baby missing out; of you missing out.

Toddlers & older kids

What about you parents of toddlers, preschoolers, and school aged kids? Have you recovered yet from no childcare, no breaks, no support from grandparents or your social network? Juggling work with looking after little ones you can’t take out, trying to keep up with the school work too.

What have I missed?

Do you feel over it? Have we moved on okay? Or have our feelings and traumas been pushed down, glazed over?  There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel, or to have felt.

Maybe you enjoyed it. There were some upsides. No rush to get out of the newborn bubble. Breastfeeding rates went up. Stillbirth rates went down. Working from home is now an accepted part of many jobs, meaning a better work-life balance for many families.

Better work-life balance

Healing

Have you done any healing? Any form of therapy, local project, or self-practise?

If you’d like to explore how you are feeling five years on, or if this article has trigged difficult thoughts, here are some steps you might like to try. These are light touch suggestions. There are mental health support lines if need them, phone or text ones. See the end of this email or google them. And all NHS areas have talking therapies you can self-refer to. You deserve support if you are struggling.

1. Choose a time when you can devote around 30 minutes or so, and have time after to recover.

2. Be mindful of your own inner and outer resources, and set an intention to only go as far into your thoughts as you can manage now.

3. Quieten your conscious brain & unlock your subconscious: relaxation exercise, stretching, mindfulness, dance, knit, doodle, finger labyrinth, drawing, painting, sit with nature.

4. Reflect: write, draw, paint, meditate, talk to a plant, make a voice note, be still, create affirmations.

5. Close the session: yoga nidra, dance, walk, do something to bring yourself joy, or to soothe yourself.

If you want to share them with me, I would be honoured.

If you would like to book a time to talk with me, we can do that, no charge.

You might like to search for activities locally that can support healing, such as yoga, sound baths, running groups, retreat days, and forest bathing sessions.

The pandemic is a common topic of conversation on my retreat days.

What next?

Let’s have a conversation about the pandemic. Talking about it, opening up, is the first step to healing.

Do you provide services relevant for pandemic healing?

Do you have ideas of what we can do, collectively or individually?

Circles, like birth story circles, where we share in a safe space, or be silent?

Journaling sessions? Art?

Someone could collate your stories.

We could hold release fire ceremonies, where we dance around and burn paper with our stories or grief written on?

Maybe these aren't needed, but I thought I'd ask the question. How are you doing?

Helplines:

Mind: 0300 102 1234  9am – 6pm M-F

Samaritans: 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org 24/7

Shout: text SHOUT to 85258 24/7 text service

Switchboard (LGBTQIA+): 0300 330 0630 10am – 10pm every day, or email chris@switchboard.lgbt or webchat service.