I didn't listen to myself

So, last week someone went into my car, when it was parked outside my house. They did stop and come and knock on the door, which is fortunate. They wanted to keep it from going through insurance, which I get. They then delayed getting back to me, and tried to wriggle out of paying me.

Dealing with them got increasingly stressful, so I did go through the insurance, and it has been so easy ever since.

Why am I telling you this?

I could have saved myself a lot of stress if I had listened to myself.

A couple of weeks ago I walked a labyrinth, and the message I was getting from myself was “What are you shedding?” My instant answer was “soothing other people’s discomfort at the expense of my own”.

You see I have spent the past 29 years being a mum and putting others first, squashing down my annoyances, my frustrations. With all that practise I got really good at it. It didn’t help that I was already a people pleaser. The eldest daughter. The eldest granddaughter. Smartest girl in the first class in my newly built lower school. Daughter of the girl guide leader and the church warden. I was a GOOD girl. Undiagnosed ADHD too! My ADHD has always meant that I know that I am annoying. I have been told by important people in my life that I am annoying. Part of my ADHD is ‘rejection sensitivity disorder’. This means I think everyone is annoyed with me all the time, partly from experience. So I try to minimise this by ensuring everyone else is happy.

This has resulted in me trying to be less me. To be less.

I don’t share this for sympathy. I have been working over the last few years to shed this. Menopause has helped me to lose my fucks. But I do still try and smooth things out, even if I myself am significantly worse off.

So when I walked the labyrinth and had that message from my inner wisdom it was relevant and important. That’s what I love about labyrinths, they untangle your subconscious thoughts and reflect back what you need.

Life then gave me the opportunity to try it out, when my car was damaged. But I didn’t pay heed, well not at first. I sat in the garden, four days later, thinking why am I getting stressed waiting again for this chap to call me. I was putting my comfort last, even though it was his fault. I remembered the message from the labyrinth walk, and pressed go on the claim. I felt instant relief, and have thanked that decision every day since, not least today, when I found out my insurance is giving me much more money for my car than I asked the chap for.

Does any of this resonate with you?

When you’re a mum you it’s hard to listen to your inner self. You don’t get the opportunity or the time. And you are trapped in conscious thought, of to-do-lists and practical problem solving, juggling, organising. No idle time to think.

That’s why I share these tools with you - so you can unwind your brain, untangle your thoughts, and listen to your inner wisdom. And maybe it will help you out in a situation like mine. Though, maybe you’d take your own advice quicker than I did!

For more about labyrinths, check out my chilled you page, my retreats, and upcoming Labyrinth Week, leading up to International Labyrinth Day on 3rd May.