Common toileting hiccups

Why does starting toileting feel more complicated than walking or weaning?

It can be really frustrating.

It is partly because every child is different, so how smoothly it will go, how they will actually do it, what difficulties and hiccups they have, will all be dependent on your little one.

Here are some common questions I have had about potty training/learning. There are plenty more, so there might be a part two. What questions do you have?

My child is just not interested in using the potty. She will sit on the potty if I take her, but she won't tell me she needs to go. I've tried bare bottoms but she just wees on floor, or asks for nappy on.    

It sounds like she isn't ready yet for self-toileting. You can continue to take her to the potty regularly, or try again in a month or so. Treat this as a trial. Keep having trial periods with no nappy on. Observe her, and see if her awareness or interest changes.

Build awareness. It is all hidden away in their nappy. Have some picture books about potties and toileting. Let her see you go to the loo. Point out animal wee and poo. Talk about it when you are changing her nappy. "Looks like you did a big wee. Your nappy is wet and heavy." "That's a big poo. Your body is working well." Have no nappy time after nappy changes, or in the morning. If they wee in the bath talk about it positively. "You did a wee. It came out of your bottom. That's what wees do."

My child uses the potty when bare bottomed, but as soon as pants or trousers are on, they don’t, and wee in their pants.                

Maybe they are not quite ready yet. Try to help them notice signs they need a wee. "I see you are jiggling. When I feel like that it's because I need a wee. Build awareness, as the previous answer. Encourage them to pull their trousers/leggings up and down when changing. Consider their clothing. Make sure it is easy for them to pull up/down. And also think about how far away is the potty?

My son is fine at home, but has lots of accidents when we're out and about. Is it okay to put a nappy on, or is that a step back?

When your son was learning to walk, you didn't throw away the buggy straightaway. Every child is different. It is fine to have a nappy on for out and about, in the beginning, unless the child insists on pants. Some children are more distracted. Some are more comfortable weeing where they feel comfortable. Do what is right for you and your child.

My mum made a big fuss about my daughter doing a wee in the potty and now she won’t use the potty.       

It's hard isn't it! We want to support their successes, but too much praise isn't always helpful. It's like they get performance anxiety. Take the pressure off your daughter. Take the emotions away. Treat toileting as matter of fact. Reassure her that it is normal to feel anxious and under pressure sometimes. Give her privacy. Read books about toileting. You can use distraction when she sits on the potty – read book, give tablet to play/watch.

My little one sits on the potty but doesn’t do anything. Gets off, and does a poo next to the potty. It is so frustrating. It feels like they are doing it on purpose.      

It is frustrating, but they are not doing it on purpose (unless you have made it a battle of wills). Learning to let go is a separate skill. Sometimes they are concentrating so hard, they can't do it. Then they get up, relax, and pop, there's the wee/poo.

Your little one is really close. Keep encouraging and affirming, without going over the top. Try distracting them when they are sitting, so they relax. Make them laugh, or whatever helps your child relax. You can keep going as you are doing, or put a nappy on for a couple more weeks and try again.

My child is doing wees on the potty but not poos. They can hold it in all day. But then they get constipated and this makes them more anxious about doing a poo. It is a vicious circle.

This is really normal. Some children get the hang of poos in the potty at the same time as wees, or earlier, but for most children doing poos in the potty can actually come weeks or months later. Even those who were doing poos in the potty can have a hiccup around 2 1/2 years old, and become anxious about letting go of poos.

Put a nappy on for poos, or a nappy over the potty. Make sure they are hydrated enough. Increase fruit, veg and fibre. Getting them blowing bubbles when sat on the potty can help them relax, or make them laugh. Lots and lots of reassurance. Read picture books to them about poos.

See health visitor, or doctor, about the constipation, especially if it is a persistent problem.

We are going on holiday and have a long car journey/flight. What should I do?    

It depends how long they've been dry during the day, how frequently they have accidents. If it is early days then you could put a nappy on for the journey, if your child is okay with it. If they've been dry during the day for a while they should be fine, but it is up to you. You know your child. Many two and three year olds can go 2-3 hours between wees. Offer every 90-120 minutes. Take spare clothes on the plane in your hand luggage.

If you are in the car and stop for them to wee, my big tip is to let them run around first, before sitting on the potty, unless they are desperate. This will get their body systems working. Similarly if they have been sat for a long time on a plane then encourage them to move their legs and arms, and walk themselves to the loo.

If, during the journey, there are too many accidents, or they are getting tired, then you could put a nappy on.

I once got stuck on the M25 for two hours with three children, they youngest was three. We went through the three changes of clothes I'd brought.

I hope these have been helpful. I will do another set of questions, so do ask me.

In the meantime you can check out my Toddler Led Toileting course. It's online, instant access, with sections to dip and out of, full of practical tips and interesting knowledge.

You can also download my Top Tips and a Toileting Readiness Checklist from my Toddler Led Toileting webpage.