I kept a bar of soap for 30 years

The reason? It has everything to do with my daughter's birth.     

Last month, my daughter, my first born, turned 30 years old. What has a bar of Body Shop soap got to do with that?

This was one of two bars of this soap that I bought as a postnatal treat for myself. A pick me up for the physical and emotional travail of labour and transition to being a parent. One bar I packed in my hospital bag.

It was a longish labour, 19 hours, relatively straightforward, in a midwife led unit, with some difficult moments, and of course, an amazing ending. 

After her birth, I took a shower. The midwife had to assist me to walk to the shower. I was worried I would faint, but the scent of the soap revived me. I washed myself with kindness. It was a pivotal moment, that I remember distinctly to this day.

I remember feeling very fragile. Birth had taken more out of me than I had expected. It was more than just a physical tiredness, though that was there as well. I felt I had run several marathons back to back. My knees had carpet burns. I had stitches in my labia. My belly felt like a weird sack of jelly. I had been touched and pushed and pulled. I had opened. I had endured. I had experienced that strange feeling of reaching down and touching my daughter’s head, feeling her hair, when she was still inside me. I was joyful. I was elated. I had triumphed. I was emotionally and physically spent.

When I got home I put the second bar of soap away in a drawer. For many years I couldn’t bear the smell, as it triggered difficult memories of how I was treated during the birth, of how I was assaulted. But I kept the soap because it was also a reminder of my triumph, my self-kindness, of how I could bring myself back together.

Me with my daughter, just a few weeks old, in 1996.

This is how important birth is to the birthing person, and their partner. Birth experiences live with us forever. We don’t forget how we felt, how we were treated, what happened. We don’t forget the physical trauma or the emotional trauma, the damage to our body and psyche. The pain fades, but the feelings remain.

My daughter’s birth set me on my path to help others to be prepared, skilled, and cope with the physical and emotional rollercoaster of childbirth. I have a lot to say about the current state of maternity care and all the stuff in the news, but life has been busy recently.

In the meantime, please reach out if you would like a 1-1 session to debrief your birth, or want a confidence boost, strategies and tools for coping with labour, and avoiding, or at least reducing, birth trauma.

Over Christmas, a couple of weeks ago, we ran out of soap. It was time to let go. I got the soap out my drawer, unwrapped it with care, and placed it in the bathroom. When I wash my hands I remember. I let go of my traumas. I am healed. I celebrate.

Happy 30^th Birthday to my wonderful Hannah, who made me a mum. 

We went to the Paris Olympics together in 2024.

I'm Cathy, Chilled Mama, and I help parents and parents-to-be have a positive experience of pregnancy, birth, and parenting, avoiding, reducing, and healing from trauma, by finding and following their own path, guided by science and intuition.